i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
