did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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