Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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