I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
