saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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