I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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