He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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