you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think people are normalizing furries
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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