false alarm. still invincible.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
