i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
