why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
