If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
