i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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