you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
