Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
