I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
