Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
