Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
