Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
