i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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