I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
