24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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