Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
