I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
