I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
