i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
