Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
