at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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