Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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