you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize