I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i out mim tonsoeep
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