Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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