from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
