I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
try to milk me bitch
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