i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
