There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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