I accidentally had phone sex last night
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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