whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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