so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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