So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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