Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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