Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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