Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
