I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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