If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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