I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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