new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
