hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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