so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
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Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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