Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
