he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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