kristin has been a bad kristin
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
