you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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