The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
