i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize