I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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