i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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