oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
