I will die if light touches me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
