his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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