If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
